On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
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