Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Randomize
