Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Randomize
