he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Sacagawea was the original milf.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize
