First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
