i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
