Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
