Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
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