My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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