Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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