I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
