Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Dick very happy bro
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
