I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Just high enough for therapy.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
