Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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