dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
