It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
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