Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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