apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
