i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
NoShamevember. You game?
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
