something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
