Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
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Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
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I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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