i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
