hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
