I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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