A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
worst night to have a conscience
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
