LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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