youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
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