God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Randomize
