all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
