This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
