I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Randomize
