No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize