Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Mom said you looked used
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
