Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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