I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
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