i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Randomize
