Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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