Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
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