I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
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