You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize