I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
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