I think i sorta joined a cult last night
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Randomize
