so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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