I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
