he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
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