Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
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