my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
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until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
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Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
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