I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Randomize
