tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
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