I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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