You're so nebulous sometimes
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
