There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
