you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
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