honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize
