I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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