I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
