In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize