Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
