We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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