I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
