i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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