ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Randomize
