Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize
