Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Sorry about my life...
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
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