i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
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