it wasn't lemon gatorade
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
