I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Randomize
