Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
