Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Randomize
