Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
