Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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