Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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